Roses
by Mihoshi Shinryoku
Summary: Song fic based on Roses by Meg&Dia I own neither GW or the song. Relena reflects on her thoughts and feelings about the war, herself and Heero Yuy


It was always the same. The same people…the same political games. Nothing ever seemed to change in Relena Peacecrafts life. Then from across the room she caught his eye.

**Turn around there's those eyes again.**

Heero's eyes.

**Turn around fake indifference and I.**

Always the protector, the emotionless soldier.

**Watch their cold, dark silhouettes disappear.**

Just as quickly as she spotted him he once again disappeared into the shadows.

**A hundred bodies fill this room.  
And all their faces overdone.**

These politicians all asked for dances, they all wanted to chew her ear off with pointless talk about how the colonies needed more supplies or how mobile suits were necessary for the further development of space…Idiots…

**Pain is foreign, foreign to us.**

Many of them did not know what the war really took from people…only soldiers could understand the pains of war. Only people who had lost ones to war could understand, not these pampered politicians who only fought to become more powerful. Most never even had anything to do with the war having either been to young to remember it well or to far from involved. And no one knew the costs of war more then the Gundam Pilots.

**I don't even know you.**

Still she didn't know him to well. She claimed to love him and yet she had never managed to get past his emotional barriers and find out what the real Heero Yuy was like. 

**You won't even know I'm gone.**

Sometimes she ever wondered if she disappeared if he would notice. She was his mission and Heero had never failed a mission to her knowledge. Why? Why couldn't she just tell him that she loved him? Why did he always hold her gaze with indifference?

**Was it something I did wrong?**

Did she push him to much? She had followed him around all throughout the war. Maybe she had caused him more problems than she knew. The only time she saw Heero Yuy break down was after he "killed" Mariemaia and that was temporary as he shortly after left her alone again.

**Roses, roses cold.  
Roses, roses sold out.**

She remembered seeing him a couple of times at her meetings and at her interviews, always the bodyguard, never the friend. But he had left her roses a couple of times, as a simple congratulation it seemed, for getting through a hard time, or a difficult policy for the ESUN. It was her only hope that he even liked her as a friend.

**Turn around reds and whites again.**

Everything had been red and white during the war. Red bloods and roses, so many people had lost their lives to the ones who wore those red roses on their military uniforms. White…that is how they described her, The White Rose, the pacifist. The only thing considered pure in that time of war. If only they had know her thoughts.

**I'd sell my kicks for one more low tar.**

She would have given anything in order to be a Gundam pilot so that she might have stayed by Heero's side. At that time she would have given anything to not be the daughter of a famous pacifist.

**Fevers hand in hand with shoelace bracelets.**

She had attempted to make friendship bracelets for all the Gundam pilots who she now considered friends. Something to keep them bound together after the fighting had stopped. It was in the middle of a war and all there was had been shoelaces…she worked with what she had. She had crafted 5 poorly made bracelets but they had all accepted them. She could at least still smile at the memory before they had all parted ways.

**Why are some girls so naive?**

It was the only thought that crossed her mind at first as she walked from the party. She laughed at herself because she realized that many of these girls were her age or older, and she was only 21. The more she thought about it she knew it was most likely because of the responsibility she was forced to take on at an early age.

**He didn't unbutton your blouse to see.**

The groups of people in the lobby and hiding in the shadows made her shake her head. This was not uncommon from these parties. There were many people and many drinks. Thankfully Heero had always been there to make sure she wouldn't wake up in the morning to regret the night before.

**A better view of your heart.**

Sometimes she wondered if it would have been better that way. She wondered if it would be better for her to dally with these simple suitors, which was the only proper word she could think to put to them so that she wasn't being rude. She knew in her heart that she would only love Heero…But she doubted that he even cared what was in her heart.

**Oh yeah, can't blame you for trying.**

She smiled and kindly turned down many dates and would be proposals and many attempts at arranged marriages. Not that Milliardo would ever let that happen. She didn't know how to do anything other than love Heero, even though she doubted he would ever return her feelings.

**Sing it soft.**

She often sang the songs that made her think about him the most. Most people would look at her as she sang softly to herself but many never said anything.

**Make it slow.**

She normally would make the time she had with him pass as slowly as possible so that she could savor every minute she had with him.

**Apples parachute the boys back down.**

She remembered the day they came down from space to earth, only then later to fall in love with the one who had threatened her life so many times.

**Fill it up.  
Overflow.**

He had always filled her with feelings that when she was younger she wasn't sure what they were. He had made her feel safe, secure, protected, love, and he had given her an overwhelming about of courage. "I love you so much Heero." She would often sigh when she thought no one could hear.

**A new, improved modern way to feel.**

More than anything towards the end of the war she realized that she wasn't following so that she would have courage, or protection, but because she loved him. She knew that he might not feel the same way but after she had lost everything and everyone important to her in her life it was the most important thing to her to have this love she held toward him.

**I don't even know you.**

The drive was unbearably long and she thought back on the first time she had run across him on the beach, then again at her school, and then later following him into space and battle. Still she knew next to nothing of his past and even after the Mariemaia incident he had gone right back to the perfect solider. He had become a Preventer and even though he laughed more now and smiled a bit more he was still as secretive as ever. She caught herself wishing, not for the last time, that she could break through the walls he had built up around his heart.

**You won't even know I'm gone.**

Her world began to spin as her car careened out of control. It ran into a tree and she could see the blood seeping through her driver's shirt. She didn't panic anymore, she couldn't. He had been shot; at this she was a little surprised, as they normally would just run her off the road. Briefly she wondered if Heero would even miss her if she was to die. The knock at her window and then there was the command for her to get out of the car. She sighed and opened the door and she stepped out. She had learned though.

**Was it something I did wrong?**

She had always wondered if she had done something wrong to be the problem to all her friends and family. She was always being captured and kidnapped. She was always causing Heero problems and the more she thought about it as she stepped from her car the more she wondered if that was why Heero never tried to be her friend more than the needed. She wondered if she was the reason nothing ever changed. "No." Relena claimed out loud, startling her would be captors. "Things are going to change today." And with a fierce look of determination she pulled a pistol from her waist, thankfully as a friend Heero had suggested that she at least know how to use a gun. She wondered what Heero would think of her as she slowly pulled the trigger back.


End file.
